jael wisdom

my brain is telling me I'm a machine.

i think most days I live in a world that is far from realistic…

and today has been one giant day of pure reality. I wish I could pull myself out of it, climb back to the castle on my cloud and stay there; happy, and safe. but I know that no one I desire will be in that cloud waiting for me today. probably, not for a little while. and when I think of people who might not have been shaken today, I can’t help but feel incredibly twisted inside.

loathing that they don’t care. loathing that they are unaware. loathing so much that they can’t manage to think past the reaching distance of their own hand. loathing that they are not bothered. loathing that they can move on so effortlessly.

loathing that I cannot be like them. loathing that my idea of the world is able to be shattered. loathing that I cannot be as carefree as they. loathing that I can’t ignore, but can’t seem to control, anything. and simultaneously, loathing that I do want to be like them.

loathing, that I, am capable of loathing at all.

I can’t always zone out. I can’t always retreat to that dumb castle-cloud in my mind.

even though I am often glad that I’m not always in a state of unawareness- I despicably wish, sometimes, that I could be.

advertentia: phantom-in-a-filmstrip: brittanyinokc: kidshit: f-a-m: Marqee’s cryptic text I think what scares me the most is that I’ve stood there. I’ve been inside that building and I know exactly where it’s at. I’m just hoping everyone is okay.. It’s strange because even though we live minutes from Quail, my parents refuse to see a movie anywhere but the Warren. I’ve stood under that sign, we’ve gone for family outings there. I know the area and restaurants along that part of the I-35 corridor like the back of my hand. And so many things around there are just….gone. Yeah that’s my job this breaks my heart

advertentia:

phantom-in-a-filmstrip:

brittanyinokc:

kidshit:

f-a-m:

Marqee’s cryptic text

I think what scares me the most is that I’ve stood there. I’ve been inside that building and I know exactly where it’s at. I’m just hoping everyone is okay..

It’s strange because even though we live minutes from Quail, my parents refuse to see a movie anywhere but the Warren. I’ve stood under that sign, we’ve gone for family outings there. I know the area and restaurants along that part of the I-35 corridor like the back of my hand. And so many things around there are just….gone.

Yeah that’s my job

this breaks my heart

Beauty is nothing. Beauty won’t stay. You don’t know how lucky you are to be ugly, because if people like you, then you know it’s for something else.

—Charles Bukowski  (via odaro)

(Source: winterkristall, via advertentia)

badland-blues: i just really like tattoo tights. and these b/c cats.

badland-blues:

i just really like tattoo tights. and these b/c cats.